Please HELP me with the writing of this motivation statement?

Hello! I have to write a motivation statement to apply to a college in australia, I’m applying to study Restaurant Management and I have this following paragraph. The problem is that I’m mexican and my vocabulary in englsih is a bit short, so I need help with the spelling and and vocabulary. It would be great if I can have this idea but written awsomely.

Since I was little I used to love food, I used to love the field trips because my mom used to give me for lunch whatever I asked. When I learned to use the VHS, I was around 7 years old, I used to watch and record TV food recepies and I asked my mom to teach me how to cook it. Older, in secondary, I loved organizing school events that matter for my class and all the parties, organize the food, the music and money we needed. Make 40 people party at home a make them feel very comfortable and have the right music and the right food at the right time. My life has been full of all this kind of events, like the one when my middle sister got married last year; she hired five ladies to organized the whole wedding and the music was playing for half an hour and everyone were bored it was a disaster; so, I went to the ladies organized them to start give them the treats we have for the people in the dance floor, I went to a friend I knew she knows the right music and ask her for a list, give it to the DJ, change the music and stand by myself in the dance floor with a song I knew my family loved and start doing the song’s popular step and suddenly after a minute 10 people were on the dance floor, after 5 minutes the dance floor were packed. After all that, I spend the night, with the ladies who were suppose to organize the party, organizing them, and I had the time of my life…

3 Comments

  1. As far back as I can remember, I have always loved food. I used to look forward to field trips because my mom would make me whatever I wanted for lunch. When I was old enough to use the video recorder, I used to record cooking shows and ask my mom to teach me the recipes. At high school, I organized all the class events and parties: the food, the music, the decorations, and even the money. I soon discovered that keeping 40 people entertained and comfortable was hard work but also that the more preparation you did, the easier it became. My life has been full of these kind of celebrations and I’m usually the one organizing everything. When my middle sister got married last year; she hired a professional to organize the wedding but half an hour into the event, everyone was visibly bored. It was fast turning into a disaster, so I went to the organizers and told them to start giving out the treats we had for everyone. Then I ran over to a friend who has a keen ear for music, asked her for an upbeat play list, gave it to the DJ, and then stood by myself in the middle of the empty dance floor with a song playing that I knew my family loved and started dancing. In a minute or two, a dozen people were on the floor; after five minutes, the dance floor was packed. After that, I spent the rest of the night organizing the organizers. I had the time of my life.

    Bethany
  2. Bethany’s answer is excellent. You had the right idea, you were the creator, Bethany the refiner.
    I’m an Aussie & wish you every success!

    gingercat
  3. I was born with a passion for food – as a young child, I would tape TV cooking shows, studying them and asking my mother to teach me how to cook and prepare the recipes. By high school, I developed the skills of event planning and organization, and it became clear that I possessed the desire and abilities to organize all the phases of events. Throughout high school I utilized my natural talents to raise funds, organize and prepare the food and the music, and realized and managed the proper timing for each event. I took pride in making a party of forty people feel at home at an event.
    Last year, my sister hired a team of five ladies to fully organize her wedding – after one-half hour, it was plain the music was wrong and the pace of the event was slow – the crowd was bored. To avoid disaster for my sister, I sprang into action – I had to organize the organizers! I quickly created a new music list, instructed the DJ, and got the organizers out of their confusion as to how to begin the program (addressing the crowd, handing out party favors). I went out on the empty dance floor alone, had the DJ play a song my family loves, and began performing the song’s popular step. Within moments, the dance floor was packed and the course of the event was changed – the organizers, unsure of how to ‘get the party started’, had me organize them through the night, and I had the time of my life.

    vwigutow

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